Was That a Knuckleball?

Now and again I'm thrown off my spiritual game. What I mean is that ordinary spiritual patterns become unrecognizable, and my normal prayer routines fail to produce the standard results. I get the impression that God throws me a curve or some other pitch I don't expect, and I respond by swinging wildly - striking out again and again. So here's my clumsy attempt to understand and explain why my string of reflections stopped rather abruptly.

Late last year my bogging diminished dramatically and I noticed my inability to put a coherent thought down. My spiritual life continued on autopilot, clinging to routines (thankfully) with a sort of dispirited faithfulness born in duty more than love. I suspect one of the primary reasons is discovering I have sleep apnea and experiencing difficulty in getting the treatment fine tuned. The reality of living with poor quality sleep has been profound and it's taken its toll in dozens of ways. Only of late have I begun to resolve this successfully.

Hopefully, I'll be able to focus and write again. But the experience of a setback itself may turn out to be a sort of spiritual 'backing and filling', giving me a new perspective and new growth. We'll see.


Ralf said...

You might know Romano Guardini, tausign. If you ever come across his book "The Art of Praying" (mooth and which he himself actually humbly called "pre-school of prayer" in its original German), you'll notice the importance of routine in prayer life.

You don't invent the art of shaving each morning anew, the ritual/routine keeps your face smooth and soft - and each face is different ...

Lee Strong said...

I can't speak to your probem - though I have experienced lack of sleep! - but I have my own thorn. I'm prone to depressions. I've learned to just keep doing what I know I should do when the blues roll in, even if the feeling is not there. The routine itself often helps me in the end.

I will say a prayer for you tonight.

Tausign said...

Yes, I am familiar with 'The Art of Praying'...having a few sections highlighted for refreshment. So true that steadfastness is important and sometimes all we have.

Thanks for your prayers